Man. It's 2009. How insane. It feels like yesterday that I was sitting out on my grandpa's land waiting for the big Y2K thing to happen. Seriously. My papa and grandma stocked up for that. We still have remnants left over. Like, buckets of sugar. Tons of cans of Cream of Corn. Haha. I miss my papa. We even had a bomb shelter buried out there. Good stuff. He died in May of 2000. He lived to see that the world would, seemingly, be okay and then he went home. I miss him everyday of my life. He was the closest thing to a positive father figure that me and my sisters ever had. I think that is why we are so screwed up now.
I'm 24 years old. I'll be 25 in just over 6 months. I've only been in one serious relationship in all these years and seeing as how that one broke me down so far, I don't really plan on trying again anytime soon. I might not ever try again. One thing that I always wanted was to have a husband who loved me and then have a baby that we could love and raise. Right. These days, I don't even care about that anymore. Of course that possibilty is never off the table but I just will not be disappointed if I never marry. Never become a mom. Right now I am just trying to focus on thise short list of things:
a. graduate in May
b. pay all my stinkin' bills up until then
c. save money to move to Chicago
d. work toward my career goals- ex. dance class, headshots, auditions
Most important I need to work on getting my head on straight and actually communicating with God. I have a hard time listening to His voice here lately. I hear it, yes, but I don't listen.
I guess that has always been my problem. When I don't want to listen I just...don't. I am selfish.
However, I know what needs to be done and so, I will succeed. Selfish, stubborn. Determined, strong. 4 words.
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