I am going to New York City in two weeks!
Two of my best friends will be accompanying me.
Dan and Eric.
We will be there for New Year's Eve!
Just thought I'd let you know. =)
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Twenty Things I Am Thankful For
(as suggested by Bethany Lopez).
1. The grace I receive from Jesus Christ.
Even though I do not deserve His love, God still cares.
2. My Mom, who supports me and the decisions I make.
3. My sisters, Kacie, Halie and Cherie. It's nice to have a built in friendship that comes along with a sibling relationship.
4. My nieces and nephews. Sundie, Jaxx, Olivia and Eli and of course unborn baby which resides in Kacie's belly. My reasons for breathing.
5. My brothers, Jason, Joey, Rob and Brad. Two biological-two not.
6. My best friends Dan, Eric and Dakotah. Without them I would be lost.
7. My newer friends Cody, Rachel, John, Keith, etc. Meeting new people is a treasure.
8. My best friend in the world, Bethany. There is and always will be a portion of my heart
which is reserved for her.
9. Freedom.
10. My church. They helped lift me up when I was at my all time lowest.
11. Ironically, Hillsdale. Without that place I never would have met any of the people listed above (who aren't my family).
12. Music.
13. The ability to create- Gifts from God are truly a blessing.
14. Dreams. Because without the chance to dream life would be boring.
15. My grandma.
16. The legacy and memories that my grandpa left behind.
17. Food. Haha.
18. Life in general.
19. Acceptance.
20. Love.
1. The grace I receive from Jesus Christ.
Even though I do not deserve His love, God still cares.
2. My Mom, who supports me and the decisions I make.
3. My sisters, Kacie, Halie and Cherie. It's nice to have a built in friendship that comes along with a sibling relationship.
4. My nieces and nephews. Sundie, Jaxx, Olivia and Eli and of course unborn baby which resides in Kacie's belly. My reasons for breathing.
5. My brothers, Jason, Joey, Rob and Brad. Two biological-two not.
6. My best friends Dan, Eric and Dakotah. Without them I would be lost.
7. My newer friends Cody, Rachel, John, Keith, etc. Meeting new people is a treasure.
8. My best friend in the world, Bethany. There is and always will be a portion of my heart
which is reserved for her.
9. Freedom.
10. My church. They helped lift me up when I was at my all time lowest.
11. Ironically, Hillsdale. Without that place I never would have met any of the people listed above (who aren't my family).
12. Music.
13. The ability to create- Gifts from God are truly a blessing.
14. Dreams. Because without the chance to dream life would be boring.
15. My grandma.
16. The legacy and memories that my grandpa left behind.
17. Food. Haha.
18. Life in general.
19. Acceptance.
20. Love.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Me Against My Mother.
I need to vent a little...
Last night I watched Rent: Filmed Live On Broadway. Big deal, right? That's like a weekly ritual. But no, the point is, I made my mom watch it with me and my youngest sister, Halie, who knows lots of the songs just because I am always singing them and I force her to duet with me! =)
So there we are watching RENT. I wanted my mom to watch it with me because I wanted her to see how beautiful the story is. I wanted her to feel the same things that I feel when I watch it. I wanted her to open her mind a little bit to some of the things that she is so blocked off to accepting. I wanted her to just, like it. This did not happen. I guess I was asking a littl too much of a 50 year old woman who grew up in the "Bible Belt". A woman who still has racist tendencies and a woman who still thinks that the term "make-out" means having sex. But I still don't understand her.
We were not too far into it when she made her first snide remark. "You Okay Honey" had started and Collins says the line "Angel indeed" and my mother kind of glance over at me and says "Sick." This is when I knew that she had basically already shut down to the point of the show. She had already become bored with it I guess because after the first big musical number, which is "Rent" she looked at me and asked, "Is it over?" ::siiiiighs from me:::
The show preogresses and I notice that she doesn't really laugh at many of the places that most people laugh. Especially if Collins and Angel are involved, or later Joanne and Maureen.
She says this at one point "He sings really good." (Speaking of Will Chase who plays Roger), and she asked once "Where's Maureen?" (Because "Tango Maureen" was over and she was confused as to the whereabouts of the elusive Maureen). She did chuckle here and there and comment on how skinny the girl who played Mimi was but she just wasn't reacting the way I had hoped she would. :::more siiiiighs from me:::
Time goes by and here comes intermission, I brace myself for her opinions and boy do I get them. She starts spatting off stuff about how I'm "one of those people who thinks this stuff is okay", and "This play stands for everything bad in the world". Stupid pointless comments like that piss me off, yes, but they don't make me want to jump out of my seat and slap some sense into my mom, however these types of comments do... She started trying to bring up the bible and say how wrong homosexuality is. I mentioned something about the line "Let he among us without sin be the first to condemn" and she tried to turn it around and make sense out of saying something about that being directed toward me. I was trying to tell her that she sins and she simply cannot cast stones at a person for being gay without being judged by God in the same way. "NOOOOOO" she says. "How so?" I ask. She doesn't have much of an intelligent response. But then this happens. "It's a story about love and survival, Mom. It's not just about being gay. And besides gy people are still human beings". "Oh no they aren't" is her response.
That shocked me and mase my blood boil. It also made me almost want to laugh because we had a similar discussion a few days earlier and she said the opposite. She continued on with her rant by saying "They aren't human, they're 'Gays' ". THEY'RE GAYS! What the hell does that mean?!?! Oh my goodness. I still do not even know how to respond to that. Ugh.
So then she starts talking about the story of Soddom and Gamorrah. Oh boy. Biblical references. She brings this story up, just like every other conservative in the world, whenever homsexuality is mentioned. "Well God destroyed that whole city cause they were gay" she says. I tell her no he didn't. She tries to tell me how dumb I am and that I know nothing about the bible. I say the same back to her. The story of Soddom and Gamorrah can be interpreted in two different ways by a conservative Christian. The first way is of course in the "sexual" way, which is the most popular. The thing tha bothers me about this being used as an argument against homosexuality is the simple fact that, if in fact sexual sins is why God decided to destroy the city, it was not just because of homosexual sex. People were having sex with strangers, with other peoples husbands and wives, premaritally, bestality is mentioned. So why oh why don't people use this stroy everyday as a way to condemn people for having affairs or for having sex before marriage? Why is it that this story is only used to condemn homosexuality? My mother even tried to say ( which was just the frantic ramblings of a bible belt child) that the Bible only condemns homosexuality and that it doesn't mention premarital sex, or even lying. :::many more siiiiighs from me:::
Surprisingly my mother did sit and watched the entire show. Afterward my sister, Kacie, asked her if her opened her mind at all to how she thought about gay people. She shook her head no and said a few more offensive things. I imagine that she is still in her room right now seething over the thought of Angel and Collins being in love and (oh my gosh) kissing!
It baffles me beyond belief how I could have been raised by this woman but havve such opposite views on things. I just feel like I need to get away from this state and away from all the people who still think that the words "They're Gays!" is acceptable, because they simply are not. I sin every single day of my life. I've had premarital sex. I've been drunk., Done drugs. Broke the 10 commandments. I'm a bad person by nature but people don't say to me that I am not a human because of it. I'm still considered a person and still allowed to call myself a believer.
This is all I am saying. I simply cannot sit here and say with all my heart and with all of my soul that a homosexual person will for 100% no matter what go to hell when he or she dies. That is between God and that person. I can't judge anyone for the sins they have committed in their lives when I am still dealing with the sins in my own life. This is what I wish Christians would understand.
I wanted to spend an evening sharing a very important part of my life with my mom and make her see what I want to do with my life. This ended up being a mistake. She only viewed RENT as another way to tell me how wrong my life is. We even ended up,yet again, discussing the fact that I do not want to have children. She says that the one and only reason God put us on this earth is so that MAN and WOMAN can hook up and have have kids. Yeah. Right. If that was the only thing God wanted me to do with my life then shit, I would have plenty of children by now. God put us on this earth for His own special reason and gives all of us our own special purpose. It is our job to figure out what that purpose is. No matter how big or how small.
So, in closing I would like to say "VIVA LA VIE BOHEME!!!"
I love my RENT and will never stop.
Last night I watched Rent: Filmed Live On Broadway. Big deal, right? That's like a weekly ritual. But no, the point is, I made my mom watch it with me and my youngest sister, Halie, who knows lots of the songs just because I am always singing them and I force her to duet with me! =)
So there we are watching RENT. I wanted my mom to watch it with me because I wanted her to see how beautiful the story is. I wanted her to feel the same things that I feel when I watch it. I wanted her to open her mind a little bit to some of the things that she is so blocked off to accepting. I wanted her to just, like it. This did not happen. I guess I was asking a littl too much of a 50 year old woman who grew up in the "Bible Belt". A woman who still has racist tendencies and a woman who still thinks that the term "make-out" means having sex. But I still don't understand her.
We were not too far into it when she made her first snide remark. "You Okay Honey" had started and Collins says the line "Angel indeed" and my mother kind of glance over at me and says "Sick." This is when I knew that she had basically already shut down to the point of the show. She had already become bored with it I guess because after the first big musical number, which is "Rent" she looked at me and asked, "Is it over?" ::siiiiighs from me:::
The show preogresses and I notice that she doesn't really laugh at many of the places that most people laugh. Especially if Collins and Angel are involved, or later Joanne and Maureen.
She says this at one point "He sings really good." (Speaking of Will Chase who plays Roger), and she asked once "Where's Maureen?" (Because "Tango Maureen" was over and she was confused as to the whereabouts of the elusive Maureen). She did chuckle here and there and comment on how skinny the girl who played Mimi was but she just wasn't reacting the way I had hoped she would. :::more siiiiighs from me:::
Time goes by and here comes intermission, I brace myself for her opinions and boy do I get them. She starts spatting off stuff about how I'm "one of those people who thinks this stuff is okay", and "This play stands for everything bad in the world". Stupid pointless comments like that piss me off, yes, but they don't make me want to jump out of my seat and slap some sense into my mom, however these types of comments do... She started trying to bring up the bible and say how wrong homosexuality is. I mentioned something about the line "Let he among us without sin be the first to condemn" and she tried to turn it around and make sense out of saying something about that being directed toward me. I was trying to tell her that she sins and she simply cannot cast stones at a person for being gay without being judged by God in the same way. "NOOOOOO" she says. "How so?" I ask. She doesn't have much of an intelligent response. But then this happens. "It's a story about love and survival, Mom. It's not just about being gay. And besides gy people are still human beings". "Oh no they aren't" is her response.
That shocked me and mase my blood boil. It also made me almost want to laugh because we had a similar discussion a few days earlier and she said the opposite. She continued on with her rant by saying "They aren't human, they're 'Gays' ". THEY'RE GAYS! What the hell does that mean?!?! Oh my goodness. I still do not even know how to respond to that. Ugh.
So then she starts talking about the story of Soddom and Gamorrah. Oh boy. Biblical references. She brings this story up, just like every other conservative in the world, whenever homsexuality is mentioned. "Well God destroyed that whole city cause they were gay" she says. I tell her no he didn't. She tries to tell me how dumb I am and that I know nothing about the bible. I say the same back to her. The story of Soddom and Gamorrah can be interpreted in two different ways by a conservative Christian. The first way is of course in the "sexual" way, which is the most popular. The thing tha bothers me about this being used as an argument against homosexuality is the simple fact that, if in fact sexual sins is why God decided to destroy the city, it was not just because of homosexual sex. People were having sex with strangers, with other peoples husbands and wives, premaritally, bestality is mentioned. So why oh why don't people use this stroy everyday as a way to condemn people for having affairs or for having sex before marriage? Why is it that this story is only used to condemn homosexuality? My mother even tried to say ( which was just the frantic ramblings of a bible belt child) that the Bible only condemns homosexuality and that it doesn't mention premarital sex, or even lying. :::many more siiiiighs from me:::
Surprisingly my mother did sit and watched the entire show. Afterward my sister, Kacie, asked her if her opened her mind at all to how she thought about gay people. She shook her head no and said a few more offensive things. I imagine that she is still in her room right now seething over the thought of Angel and Collins being in love and (oh my gosh) kissing!
It baffles me beyond belief how I could have been raised by this woman but havve such opposite views on things. I just feel like I need to get away from this state and away from all the people who still think that the words "They're Gays!" is acceptable, because they simply are not. I sin every single day of my life. I've had premarital sex. I've been drunk., Done drugs. Broke the 10 commandments. I'm a bad person by nature but people don't say to me that I am not a human because of it. I'm still considered a person and still allowed to call myself a believer.
This is all I am saying. I simply cannot sit here and say with all my heart and with all of my soul that a homosexual person will for 100% no matter what go to hell when he or she dies. That is between God and that person. I can't judge anyone for the sins they have committed in their lives when I am still dealing with the sins in my own life. This is what I wish Christians would understand.
I wanted to spend an evening sharing a very important part of my life with my mom and make her see what I want to do with my life. This ended up being a mistake. She only viewed RENT as another way to tell me how wrong my life is. We even ended up,yet again, discussing the fact that I do not want to have children. She says that the one and only reason God put us on this earth is so that MAN and WOMAN can hook up and have have kids. Yeah. Right. If that was the only thing God wanted me to do with my life then shit, I would have plenty of children by now. God put us on this earth for His own special reason and gives all of us our own special purpose. It is our job to figure out what that purpose is. No matter how big or how small.
So, in closing I would like to say "VIVA LA VIE BOHEME!!!"
I love my RENT and will never stop.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Dear Sister,
Hello my lovely little sister.
I am writing you this letter in order to, first and foremost,
apologize and secondly to tell you how special I think you are. So here goes.
Dear Sister,
I am sorry. I'm sorry that I resented you when you were a baby. .I'm sorry for the way I treated you when we were younger. I am sorry for not being stronger for you when Papa died. I'm sorry for hurting and not paying attention to the fact that you were hurting more.
I am sorry for leaving you alone anytime that I might have. I am sorry for not letting you know that I loved you like a mother would love her own daughter. I'm sorry for breaking you. For making you feel as if you were not special or pretty or smart or amazing.
I am sorry for stepping back and watching you grow as opposed to stepping in and helping you grow. I am sorry that you had to see me struggle and make mistakes. I'm sorry for being a horrible example for you back then. I am sorry that I didn't make better choices for you to witness and learn from. I am sorry for being a bad sister, role model and friend.
Dear Sister,
I am sorry that I left you during a time when you probably needed me most. I'm not sorry for introducing you to my Lord and planting that seed in you but I am sorry that I left and didn't help you bloom into the woman of God that I know you can be. I'm so sorry for leaving you. I truly am sorry.
I am sorry that I didn't stay in better contact with you while I was away. I'm sorry if you felt that I wasn't there for you. Or if you felt like you had noone to talk to while I was gone. I am sorry for not coming home more often to spend time with you and for not being that person that you could rely on for advice, support and love.
Dear Sister,
I am sorry that now I am still setting really bad examples for you. I'm sorry that you still hurt. I am sorry that you feel like you can't come to me when you feel sad or angry or broken. I'm sorry for the fact that I am not a very good sister to you. I am sorry that you have to look at my imperfections and take them on yourself. I'm sorry that I am not the woman of God that I know that I can be in order for you to grow in my example.
I am sorry that I sometimes talk to you as if you are my daughter instead of speaking to as if you are my best friend. I am sorry for worrying about you constanly. I'm sorry for wanting what is best for you. I am sorry that you feel worthless. I am sorry that I can't always express to you how much I care about you and how deeply I love you.
Though this is not my fault, I am sorry that your father does not treat you like the beautiful princess that you are. And I am sorry that you can not see that THE FATHER sees you in exactly that form. I am sorry that you sin and struggle and agonize. I am sorry for not being able to take on your pain myself, because if God would let me...I would.
Dear Sister,
I need you to know that I love you with every fiber of my being. I may have resented you when we were children but somewhere along the way that resentment shifted into a feeling that is almost indescribeable. You truly are my best friend, even if I am not yours.
When I look at you on the outside I see a young woman who could have the world on a silver platter if she wanted it. You are one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen. You are smart and witty and funny. You have this thing about you that draws people in and makes them want to get to know you. Believe me, I've observed this for many years now.
The thing that breaks my heart is when I delve deeper into your being. When I look into youreyes I see sadness, anger, pain.... I might even see a hint of resentment, for me perhaps, in those eyes. Which I probably deserve.
I wish that I could just take all of those dark parts of your being and throw them into the ocean or bury them underground so that you would not have to feel them anymore. I want you to be happy and whole, again. I need you to know that you are worth so much more than you , or any boy, could ever give you credit for.
You are worth more than gold my sister. If ever you need me I am here.
"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be Praised" Proverbs 31:30
"When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way."
Psalm 142:3
I love you. God Bless and Goodnight my dear sweet sister.
Love, Mandie Lynn
ps-I'm sorry if you hate me.
I am writing you this letter in order to, first and foremost,
apologize and secondly to tell you how special I think you are. So here goes.
Dear Sister,
I am sorry. I'm sorry that I resented you when you were a baby. .I'm sorry for the way I treated you when we were younger. I am sorry for not being stronger for you when Papa died. I'm sorry for hurting and not paying attention to the fact that you were hurting more.
I am sorry for leaving you alone anytime that I might have. I am sorry for not letting you know that I loved you like a mother would love her own daughter. I'm sorry for breaking you. For making you feel as if you were not special or pretty or smart or amazing.
I am sorry for stepping back and watching you grow as opposed to stepping in and helping you grow. I am sorry that you had to see me struggle and make mistakes. I'm sorry for being a horrible example for you back then. I am sorry that I didn't make better choices for you to witness and learn from. I am sorry for being a bad sister, role model and friend.
Dear Sister,
I am sorry that I left you during a time when you probably needed me most. I'm not sorry for introducing you to my Lord and planting that seed in you but I am sorry that I left and didn't help you bloom into the woman of God that I know you can be. I'm so sorry for leaving you. I truly am sorry.
I am sorry that I didn't stay in better contact with you while I was away. I'm sorry if you felt that I wasn't there for you. Or if you felt like you had noone to talk to while I was gone. I am sorry for not coming home more often to spend time with you and for not being that person that you could rely on for advice, support and love.
Dear Sister,
I am sorry that now I am still setting really bad examples for you. I'm sorry that you still hurt. I am sorry that you feel like you can't come to me when you feel sad or angry or broken. I'm sorry for the fact that I am not a very good sister to you. I am sorry that you have to look at my imperfections and take them on yourself. I'm sorry that I am not the woman of God that I know that I can be in order for you to grow in my example.
I am sorry that I sometimes talk to you as if you are my daughter instead of speaking to as if you are my best friend. I am sorry for worrying about you constanly. I'm sorry for wanting what is best for you. I am sorry that you feel worthless. I am sorry that I can't always express to you how much I care about you and how deeply I love you.
Though this is not my fault, I am sorry that your father does not treat you like the beautiful princess that you are. And I am sorry that you can not see that THE FATHER sees you in exactly that form. I am sorry that you sin and struggle and agonize. I am sorry for not being able to take on your pain myself, because if God would let me...I would.
Dear Sister,
I need you to know that I love you with every fiber of my being. I may have resented you when we were children but somewhere along the way that resentment shifted into a feeling that is almost indescribeable. You truly are my best friend, even if I am not yours.
When I look at you on the outside I see a young woman who could have the world on a silver platter if she wanted it. You are one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen. You are smart and witty and funny. You have this thing about you that draws people in and makes them want to get to know you. Believe me, I've observed this for many years now.
The thing that breaks my heart is when I delve deeper into your being. When I look into youreyes I see sadness, anger, pain.... I might even see a hint of resentment, for me perhaps, in those eyes. Which I probably deserve.
I wish that I could just take all of those dark parts of your being and throw them into the ocean or bury them underground so that you would not have to feel them anymore. I want you to be happy and whole, again. I need you to know that you are worth so much more than you , or any boy, could ever give you credit for.
You are worth more than gold my sister. If ever you need me I am here.
"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be Praised" Proverbs 31:30
"When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way."
Psalm 142:3
I love you. God Bless and Goodnight my dear sweet sister.
Love, Mandie Lynn
ps-I'm sorry if you hate me.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Write. Write Little Heart.
Do you see my smile...
Do you see my brown eyes...
Do you see the way my hair flips to one side...
Do you hear my voice...
Do you hear my thoughts...
Do you hear the inconsistencies in my words...
Can you see that I am so very flawed...
Do you see the pain that hides on my face...
Or that my eyes are just a mask...
I'm not real...
This isn't me....
You just see what you want to see.
Do you see my weak smile....
Do you see my pain filled eyes....
Do you see me tugging at that flip in my hair....
Can you hear my voice quiver....
Can you see my hand tremble....
Can you hear the sadness and the hurt in my tone....
This mask that I wear has cracks....
I can't change it now.....
I've lived my life this way for far too long....
I'm not real....
This isn't me....
You just see what you want to see.....
I have a shy smile....
I have bright eyes.....
I have hair that shines in the light.....
I have a broken heart.....
I have a crushed soul.....
I have a spirit that no longer wants to fight......
I'll keep moving on.....
I'll continue to be numb.....
And I'll listen to His voice for one more night.....
I'm not real....
This isn't me.....
You just see what you want to see.....
<
>
<
>
<
>
<
>
I met you so so long ago.
But I don't think that I really knew you until now.
I wanted so badly to hear you.
I needed so much to feel you.
I couldn't help the way I felt then nor can I help it now.
It makes no sense to me that you are so far.
It makes no sense that you don't care.
I can't imagine being with you.
I can't imagine being without you.
I can't believe that this was all a dream.
I wonder why you left. I wonder why I'm gone.
I listen to the sound of you in the distance.
If I just press my ear skyward. Lend a hand to
the stars then maybe once again you will be near.
Your whisper is like a glimmer. Or maybe a chill on
the back of my neck.
Sometimes I yearn to change.
Once in a while I long for a new beginning.
But I know that these feelings will not always be around.
Why don't you listen to me?
Why can't I hear your voice?
I guess I need to just check out.
I'm down on my knees. Face down on the floor.
Tears are the only comfort that I feel.
I'm here. I'm here. I'M HERE!
Are you?
Do you see my brown eyes...
Do you see the way my hair flips to one side...
Do you hear my voice...
Do you hear my thoughts...
Do you hear the inconsistencies in my words...
Can you see that I am so very flawed...
Do you see the pain that hides on my face...
Or that my eyes are just a mask...
I'm not real...
This isn't me....
You just see what you want to see.
Do you see my weak smile....
Do you see my pain filled eyes....
Do you see me tugging at that flip in my hair....
Can you hear my voice quiver....
Can you see my hand tremble....
Can you hear the sadness and the hurt in my tone....
This mask that I wear has cracks....
I can't change it now.....
I've lived my life this way for far too long....
I'm not real....
This isn't me....
You just see what you want to see.....
I have a shy smile....
I have bright eyes.....
I have hair that shines in the light.....
I have a broken heart.....
I have a crushed soul.....
I have a spirit that no longer wants to fight......
I'll keep moving on.....
I'll continue to be numb.....
And I'll listen to His voice for one more night.....
I'm not real....
This isn't me.....
You just see what you want to see.....
<
>
<
>
<
>
<
>
I met you so so long ago.
But I don't think that I really knew you until now.
I wanted so badly to hear you.
I needed so much to feel you.
I couldn't help the way I felt then nor can I help it now.
It makes no sense to me that you are so far.
It makes no sense that you don't care.
I can't imagine being with you.
I can't imagine being without you.
I can't believe that this was all a dream.
I wonder why you left. I wonder why I'm gone.
I listen to the sound of you in the distance.
If I just press my ear skyward. Lend a hand to
the stars then maybe once again you will be near.
Your whisper is like a glimmer. Or maybe a chill on
the back of my neck.
Sometimes I yearn to change.
Once in a while I long for a new beginning.
But I know that these feelings will not always be around.
Why don't you listen to me?
Why can't I hear your voice?
I guess I need to just check out.
I'm down on my knees. Face down on the floor.
Tears are the only comfort that I feel.
I'm here. I'm here. I'M HERE!
Are you?
Thursday, January 15, 2009
My Trip to Chicago....
I was really nervous when my mom dropped me off at the airport because I had never been to an airport alone. I wasn't really nervous about the actual flying part just about the airport. I got there around 5:30 a.m.ish when I originally wanted to get there at 5:00 a.m. on the dot. But that didn't happen. I slept for about 30 minutes that night so I was a little slow to get around. I checked in electronically, which was scary by itself. I paid for my luggage, yeah $15. Then I went through security, where one of the security guards said to me, "I hope the rest of your day is a lovely as you are." I was quite delirious so I said, "Thanks you, too. As lovely as me." haha. Good times.
Anyways, I found my gate. Probably went to the potty and then called my mom. I had been in the airport for an hour by this time and she still wasn't home. I caught her on the cell and apparently her and Halie had turned the wrong way when leaving the airport and got lost. I told her I would call her when I landed at the next airport and that was that.
Boarded the plane and we took off on time, 7:00 a.m. The flight was smooth. I sat beside a girl who looked close to my age but we didn't talk much. I said once, "it's cold in here" and she agreed. It soon got really hot. Did someone hear me? Who knows? When it was time for the in-flight beverage I chose coffee, with sugar, and I also got thes little cookie things. I may have just been extremely hungry but they were spectacular! :) I read "Son of a Witch" for most of the flight. Such a good book. We landed.
I had a 3 hour layover in Cinncinnatti. I walked around for a bit but tried to avoid doing that too much because there was a little kiosk across from my gate and 2 people were trying to get people to sign up for something. For some strange reason I love being in the airport. I like sitting at my gate watching all the different types of people come and go. I just really enjoy the atmosphere. Maybe I should become a flight attendant. Maybe I will.
I went to a couple of gift shops. Bought my sister, Halie, a pair of magic socks, because they had penguins on them. Bought my nephew, Jaxx, a giant squishy caterpillar thing, and I got Sundie some "Mars Mud." I love buying things for people. After that I went to the food court and got some chick-fil-a nuggets. They didn't have Dr. Pepper and my body kind of freaked out. I walked around the entire court lookig for someone who had Dr.Pepper and the only place that did was McDonalds. I hate theirs. It tastes all watered down. But I got some. And my body relaxed a little. When I was done eating, all alone, I started to venture back toward my gate. While in the process of doing this I smelled something quite appetizing. So, I looked around and spotted the location of the scent. A popcorn stand. I bought a bag of the overpriced but very good popcorn and once again set off toward my gate.
I sat there for a while. Read some of my book. Called my mom again. Took some snapshots of myself looking very sleepy, my airplane, my luggage being loaded onto the plane. I made several trips to the bathroom. And avoided the Delta people trying to sign people up for, whatever it was they were trying to sign people up for. Soon it was time to board the plane. And head toward Chicago!
Because I got less than an hour of sleep before I left Tulsa that morning I decided to sleep on the flight from Cinncinnatti to Chicago. I skipped my beverage. I didn't read any of my book. I just put my head against the window and dozed off for a bit. I woke up for good when we were about 30 minutes from landing. I was still super sleepy and really wanted to sleep more but I decided to wake my self up.
When we finally landed I turned my phone on and I had a text from my sister, Cherie, asking if I had made it yet. I called the family to let them know that I had indeed landed safely at my final destination. I imagine they were relieved. Josh called. It took a while for the plane to get to the gate, for some reason, but Josh was there waiting.
Got off the plane. Went to the potty. Called Josh. Trekked through the airport in the direction of my baggage claim. Found Josh. Hugged. Found my luggage. Found the car. Headed toward his house in the suburbs.
So I was really sleepy and Josh had to work at the theatre that night so I slept. When he got back we just hung out for a while, after I woke up, and chatted about life and what not. It was a pretty decent evening.
New Year's Eve!
Josh had to work at the Theatre again that night and I had agreed, previously, to usher, as well. "The Second City: A Dysfunctional Hoilday Revue" was performing and if I agreed to usher I would get to see the show for FREE!!! Hence the ushering. I dressed in my little black outfit and geared up for smiling at strangers and being super friendly. Ha.
Turns out all I had to do was pass out little slips that entitled the patron a free glass of champagne. Most people were dumb and got theirs before the show when in reality they should've waited until intermission. I could have told them all this, but hey, my only clear cut job was to hand everyone the ticket.
After everyone was seated I went into the theatre, myself, and took a seat next some elderly ladies, who were also ushering, and was astounded by the performance of "The Second City".
Seriously, it was amazing. So funny. The show contained a lot of political banter, mostly directed toward the liberal, but I did not care one bit. I laughed. And laughed. AND LAUGHED.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
A Dream to Come
Man. It's 2009. How insane. It feels like yesterday that I was sitting out on my grandpa's land waiting for the big Y2K thing to happen. Seriously. My papa and grandma stocked up for that. We still have remnants left over. Like, buckets of sugar. Tons of cans of Cream of Corn. Haha. I miss my papa. We even had a bomb shelter buried out there. Good stuff. He died in May of 2000. He lived to see that the world would, seemingly, be okay and then he went home. I miss him everyday of my life. He was the closest thing to a positive father figure that me and my sisters ever had. I think that is why we are so screwed up now.
I'm 24 years old. I'll be 25 in just over 6 months. I've only been in one serious relationship in all these years and seeing as how that one broke me down so far, I don't really plan on trying again anytime soon. I might not ever try again. One thing that I always wanted was to have a husband who loved me and then have a baby that we could love and raise. Right. These days, I don't even care about that anymore. Of course that possibilty is never off the table but I just will not be disappointed if I never marry. Never become a mom. Right now I am just trying to focus on thise short list of things:
a. graduate in May
b. pay all my stinkin' bills up until then
c. save money to move to Chicago
d. work toward my career goals- ex. dance class, headshots, auditions
Most important I need to work on getting my head on straight and actually communicating with God. I have a hard time listening to His voice here lately. I hear it, yes, but I don't listen.
I guess that has always been my problem. When I don't want to listen I just...don't. I am selfish.
However, I know what needs to be done and so, I will succeed. Selfish, stubborn. Determined, strong. 4 words.
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